Mindless Thoughts

Mindless Thoughts of a Single Mom- 46 years old – Country Girl At Heart – Dedicated Hard Worker By Day – One Who Strives To See The Beauty of All Souls – No Matter How Many Times I’ve Been Let Down I Still Smile and Know That I’ve Done My Best

Miss MySpace 1-12-2012

I can say the only thing that I miss about myspace is my bloggin..I used to love to write..express how I am feeling! At times it was my way to release what was egging at me. Even though I have people to talk to..at times I just like writing about them..So please read when I start this up. I will probably going to sign back in to MS and get all my stuff and see about copying it to here.. Til Later Single Mom

Days 2-24-2012

I am trying to decide on how to go with this…Being a single mom is one of the most stressing yet fulling jobs a person can have. I myself have been one for over 8 years. I get up early, do laundry, get myself ready and then get the kids up for school..I wish that they would understand that life is not as easy as it seems. They go to school and I drive an hour to work, fly home to have one child picked up from practice now mind you this is about 5:45 by now. So either we have dinner to make and homework to do or we have a game. So either which way I am still working. I have no social life, no one to help me, no one to ease some of the stress that I have..I just move forward, trudge through with a smile on my face then 10:30 pm comes on, the kids are asleep and I lay there and wonder..is this how is will always be or will there ever be something for me in all this mess besides a fake smile and them knowing that I am still here doing it all.

Single Mom 6-12-2012

Being a single mom I leave myself behind and place all of their needs and wants ahead of mine. I would love to write a single mom book on how my life began and show them how hard I worked to carve their path. Through the struggles and the tears a child only see’s the life in front of them and not the tears behind my closed doors.
I have always shown the brighter side of my story and lately it seems that the darker side is peeping out more and more. I have tried so hard to be stong and keep my head held high but lately I have become a different person. I have always been known as the hard worker, dedicated parent and the one who will do anything for anyone around me.

Breaking Point 6-18-2012

I really hate 11:11 PM..everyone says make a wish..I hate that date.. Why do we wish for happy ever after when nothing has ever been happy in your life. There have been brief periods of fake smiles to show how strong you may be or a brief moment where you thought you could trust the person sitting across from you. But I can honestly say that I can’t remember just being Happy. I thought I had a happy marriage until I found out that he hadn’t been happy for a long time. I thought I was happy when I found someone whom I could connect with, finish sentences, lay under the stars on a sailboat and think..this is what it actually feels like and then realize that you was a glorified babysitter and liked the neighbor alot more. I am to easy of a fool for love..So instead I shut it out, the pain, the embarrassment and locked myself away for days and cried. I cried all the way to work, in my office, all day long, all the way home and repeated this process for days and what I feel was months.That was 5 years ago and since then I have placed myself on a backburner with barely a flame left to light. I have put my children above everyone and scrafised my being happy for them. Eveyone has seen me as strong, a bit of a opinion, a smile to show it is all going to be ok. I can fool eveyone else but I will never be able to fool myself. So at times I wait for my private drive and have my own waterfall of tears because I am now at another downfall in my life and all I wish for is someone to lay beside me and for once..for once actually hear me.

Nothing Has Changed 7-13-2018

Crazy how since my last blog that nothing has changed much but age. 6 years have past and I’m still on the back burner, I still put others before me. I volunteer, I’m that crazy mom whom all the kids love but your kid tells you to stop all the time. But deep down they like it. I absolutely hate my job but still do it. Dating sucks because I’m to damn picky.. one of these days I’ll wake up from the dream of lifeme.